Muhammad had an adopted son named Zayd ibn Haritha, a slave boy kidnapped from the Kalbi tribe that Muhammad’s wife’s nephew bought for her. Zayd later became her and Muhammad’s adopted son. But that relationship would not last.

Muhammad arranged a marriage between Zaid and his cousin Zaynab bint Jahsh, and the two lived happily, until one day…

Muhammad falls in love

In The History of Al-Tabari, volume 8, chapter 1 we can read the story told by two sources; Muhammad bin Umar al -Wagidi et. al. and Yunus b. ‘Abd al-A’la-Ibn Wahb-Ibn Zayd. Let’s call the sources Umar and Yunus for short.

Umar says:

The Messenger of God came to the house of Zayd b. Haritha. (Zayd was always called Zayd b. Muhammad.) Perhaps the Messenger of God missed him at that moment, so as to ask, “Where is Zayd?” He came to his residence to look for him but did not find him. Zaynab bt. Jahsh, Zayd’s wife, rose to meet him. Because she was dressed only in a shift, the Messenger of God turned away from her. She said: “He is not here, Messenger of God. Come in, you who are as dear to me as my father and mother!” The Messenger of God refused to enter. Zaynab had dressed in haste when she was told “the Messenger of God is at the door.” She jumped up in haste and excited the admiration of the Messenger of God, so that he turned away murmuring something that could scarcely be understood. However, he did say overtly: “Glory be to God the Almighty! Glory be to God, who causes hearts to turn!”

Yunus says:

The Messenger of God had married Zayd b. Haritha to Zaynab bt. Jahsh, his paternal aunt’s daughter. One day the Messenger of God went out looking for Zayd. Now there was a covering of haircloth over the doorway, but the wind had lifted the covering so that the doorway was uncovered. Zaynab was in her chamber, undressed, and admiration for her entered the heart of the Prophet.

So Muhammad comes to the house of his adoptive son Zayd who is not at home. But Zayd’s wife Zaynab is there, and since she is unprepared to entertain guests she was “undressed”, or “dressed only in a shift”. She is basically in her underwear, a thin nightgown. Almost naked.

“The doorway was uncovered” so Muhammad can see her. And she jumps up and comes to greet him. And being the horny goat that he is, this “excited the admiration” of Muhammad. In other words Muhammad started lusting for his own cousin from seeing her nearly naked.

Muhammad mumbles “Glory be to God, who causes hearts to turn”, and this is an Arabic idiom that attributes changes of heart to Allah’s sovereignty. Muhammad is signalling that he had a change of heart. Before he saw Zaynab half naked he was not interested, but now, he was infatuated. Embarrassed, he walks away.

Zaynab tells her husband

Umar says:

When Zayd came home, his wife told him that the Messenger of God had come to his house. Zayd said, “Why didn’t you ask him to come in?” She replied, “I asked him, but he refused.” “Did you hear him say anything?” he asked. She replied, “As he turned away, I heard him say: ‘Glory be to God the Almighty! Glory be to God, who causes hearts to turn!”’

Zaynab tells her husband what happened and what Muhammad said. Zayd understands that his adoptive father seeing his wife turned him on and that Muhammad was now lusting after his wife.

Zaynab gets haughty

Umar says:

Zayd could find no possible way to [approach] her after that day.

Yunus says:

After that happened, she was made unattractive to the other man.

Zaynab also knows that Muhammadnis attracted to her. Coming from a higher social station than her husband, she secretly resents being married to a former slave, and seeing the attention she could get from the socially superior man Muhammad, she started openly resent him so that “Zayd could find no possible way to approach her after that day” and “she was made unattractive to the other man”.

Zayd seeks a divorce

Umar says:

So Zayd left, and, having come to the Messenger of God, he said: “Messenger of God, I have heard that you came to my house. Why didn’t you go in, you who are as dear to me as my father and mother? Messenger of God, perhaps Zaynab has excited your admiration, and so I will separate myself from her.” The Messenger of God said, “Keep your wife to yourself.” […] He would come to the Messenger of God and tell him so, but the Messenger of God would say to him, “Keep your wife.” Zayd separated from her and left her, and she became free

Yunus says:

So he came and said, “Messenger of God, I want to separate myself from my companion.” Muhammad asked: “What is wrong ? Has anything on her part disquieted you?” “No, by God,” replied Zayd, “nothing she has done has disquieted me, Messenger of God, nor have I seen anything but good.” The Messenger of God said to him , “ Keep your wife to yourself, and fear God.”

Poor Zayd. His adoptive father have basically ruined his marriage. His wife doesnt want him anymore because Muhammad gave her attention. His filial piety forces him to offer his wife to him. And Muhammad is playing pious and telling him to not divorce. But as Yunus later reveals, all along Muhammad kept thinking “if he separates himself from her, I will marry her.”

Eventually Zayd is so stressed out by the situation that he divorces his wife to try to solve it.

Muhammad gets one of his convenient revelations

Umar says:

While the Messenger of God was talking with ‘A’ishah, a fainting overcame him. When he was released from it, he smiled and said, “Who will go to Zaynab to tell her the good news, saying that God has married her to me? “ Then the Messenger of God recited: “And when you said unto him on whom God has conferred favor and you have conferred favor, ‘Keep your wife to yourself …’ and the entire passage.

Muhammad suddenly gets one of his many convenient revelations, which usually involve Allah making up a rule specifically to benefit Muhammad or get him out of trouble. And lo and behold! In this case, the creator of the universe is so obsessed with the minutiae of Muhammad’s life that he gives a specific command that he must marry her. And he even includes it in the Quran, the supposed eternal revelation of Allah to all of humanity. Us reading about how Allah caters to the desires of Muhammad is theologically important because… why?

Notice that after faking a fainting spell, Muhammad wakes up smiling, because the puppet he uses to dupe the people around him has conveniently granted him his highest desire: to have sex with his cousin.

And he is so narcissistic that he asks if someone wants to have the privilege to bring Zaynab the “good news” that his made up god has given him a made up revelation that he is allowed to steal his son’s wife.

And to do this whole spectacle in the house of Aisha is just rude.

Aisha’s reaction

Umar says:

According to ‘A’ishah, who said: “I became very uneasy because of what we heard about her beauty and another thing, the greatest and loftiest of matters- what God had done for her by giving her in marriage. I said that she would boast of it over us.”

Poor Aisha. Her horny goat of a husband is adding yet another wife to his collection, and apparently a very beautiful one. As if Muslim women weren’t already treated the worst of all women, now she would have another wife to compete with for her husband’s favor.

Aisha’s reaction is a natural anxiety reaction when you realize that you’re in the cult of a narcissistic fickle selfish piece of shit, and that your life can change at any time according to their whims, and you’re helpless to do anything about it.

Recording this travesty as a lesson

The verse that “Allah” “revealed” was Surah 33:37 which Al-Hilali & Khan renders with helpful context (in parentheses):

And (remember) when you said to him (Zaid bin Hârithah - the freed-slave of the Prophet) on whom Allâh has bestowed Grace (by guiding him to Islâm) and you (O Muhammad too) have done favour (by manumitting him): “Keep your wife to yourself, and fear Allâh.” But you did hide in yourself (i.e. what Allâh has already made known to you that He will give her to you in marriage) that which Allâh will make manifest, you did fear the people (i.e., their saying that Muhammad married the divorced wife of his manumitted slave) whereas Allâh had a better right that you should fear Him. So when Zaid had accomplished his desire from her (i.e. divorced her), We gave her to you in marriage, so that (in future) there may be no difficulty to the believers in respect of (the marriage of) the wives of their adopted sons when the latter have no desire to keep them (i.e. they have divorced them). And Allâh’s Command must be fulfilled.

So let’s break it down:

Allah is criticising Muhammad for denying his own desires. When Zayd offered to divorce Zaynab for Muhammad, Muhammad refused it because he knew that people would rightly see it as shameful. But Allah is reprimanding him, saying that he should not have any common decency or care what people say, but should just follow his dick. Because that’s what Allah wants. Allah is going to make sure Muhammad receives as much pleasure as possible, even if it means Allah needs to force Muhammad to pursue his desires.

And the big theological lesson that the creator of the universe wants to teach by this sham?

Setting an example to other Muslim men who also want to steal their adopted sons’ wives!

Criticism

Muhammad Ibn Sa‘d’s Kitab at-Tabaqat al-Kabir Volume III has this to say:

The Messenger of Allah married him to Zaynab bint Jahsh ibn Rithab al-Asadiyya whose mother was Umayma bint ‘Abd al-Muttalib ibn Hashim and then Zayd divorced her and the Messenger of Allah married her. The hypocrites talked about that and attacked him, saying, “Muhammad forbade marrying the ex-wives of sons and yet he marries the wife of his son Zayd!” Then Allah revealed, “Muhammad is not the father of any of your men but the Messenger of Allah and the Final Seal of the Prophets…” (33:40) and He said, “Call them after their fathers.” (33:5) From that day he was called Zayd ibn Haritha and people were called by their father’s names. Al-Miqdad was called ibn ‘Amr when before that it was he was called al-Miqdad ibn al-Aswad since al-Aswad ibn ‘Abd Yaghuth had adopted him.

So people wasn’t buying the bullshit Muhammad was selling. They thought it was outrageous that Muhammad stole the wife of his own adopted son. And the fake revelation he made up didn’t work. So what must he do?

More convenient revelations!

Abolishing adoption

Adoption is a graceful institution that allows orphans to find a loving home. But what do you do when you have shamelessly stolen the wife of your adopted son, and people are righteously upset with you?

You make sure he is not your adopted son anymore, by completely abolishing adoption forever!

Surah 33:5

Let your adopted children keep their family names. That is more just in the sight of Allah.

So from now on, no more adoptions. You may take care of orphans, but they can not be part of your family, but must keep their original family name. After this Zayd bin Muhammad was called Zayd bin Haritha.

Surah 33:40

Muḥammad is not the father of any of your men, but is the Messenger of Allah and the seal of the prophets. And Allah has knowledge of all things.

So Muhammad is essentially disowning Zayd, not recognizing himself as his father anymore.

Muhammad’s scandalous behavior ended up in the destruction of a marriage, and the shameful theft of his own adopted son’s wife, sanctioned by his convenient made up revelations. The community backlash was so bad that Muhammad single handedly annulled the institution of adoption trying to cover his own back by faking even more made up convenient revelations.

And all because that horny narcissist wanted to have sex with his own cousin.